Dark night of the soul at the Pillars......

My mother deserted me when I needed her the most a few months ago and we haven't talked since. My father-in-law passed away and I was in the midst of nursing my best friend (my knight) who had just lost his best friend. Loneliness has set in and there are times when just a whim would cross my mind to tell mom something that happened today and then realize that that can't happen anymore.

My confessor told me to call or write to her and tell her you love her anyway, I thanked him, but in my heart of hearts realized that God was going to have to help me with that one. The realization that you now know that your mother really didn't like you very much and just did what she was expected to do for you hurts. I suspected that she didn't like me much during my childhood and there were times when she could have helped and been more compassionate with my growing pangs and changes, but I just got by. My father has always been very good at listening to me....as an adult, but not as a child, he had his own ideas as well and always put words in my mouth, oh well. Let me not get caught doing that to my 3 children.

Since February 22 of this year, I have been praying to God, asking Him to help me figure out how to get past this situation, but have not heard a word. Lately, after reading Heidi's new book, "Behold Your Mother" (thanks, Heidi!!) I thought, "Oh! I just need to ask Mother Mary!" Did that, heard nothing, felt nothing, and nothing has happened. My mother is still not talking to me and I am still too shocked and hurt to pick up the phone, much less write a letter.

Listen, I didn't do anything wrong, she conjured up some idea in her head that I hated my in- laws and prevented my knight-in-shining armour from running to their aid and "hold his father's hand before he died." I did no such thing, in fact, I told my knight we needed to go, and He said, "No, let's wait another day, the Dr. told me he is on new medicine." I was doing laundry and packing the kids up knowing we needed to leave the day she sucker-punched me on the phone. "Small and none of her business" is what my friends say, "don't worry about it." My father (who is divorced from her YEARS ago) says, "This to shall pass." I feel that she has essentially crossed the line in the sand and I 'm not sure how it will go.

A dark night of the soul sounds very much like what I have been living in during the past 6.5 years of living here in Greenville. In Texas, all my dear friends are there, the parish that I dearly loved and grew so is there, the pastor that was so nice is there. I was soooo happy there in Texas in the parish we belonged to there. But everything is here for my husband, including now, his mom. This is good, I know. But, I feel like I pray in vain, especially now since this situation with my mother and not hearing any consolation from God or Mother Mary.

However, there is one thing that I know for sure......I think. I feel that because I am not getting an overwhelming urge to talk to my mother, I don't think I am supposed to, I am to wait quietly and patiently for her to come around. It's lonely here, but it's ok, somehow even though God is not close by, I know He is there and I know that He knows that I am praying for an answer, a resolve to the dilemma.

The Priesthood and Prayer

We are blessed to have so many gifts in the Catholic Church, one of which is the priesthood. The seven sacraments are important for the faithful to get through their daily trials, temptations, and good times, but were it not for the priests, we could not have the sacraments.

Pray for priests, pray for them everyday. What they do is not easy and they have given up there whole lives to the service of the Church and to their appointed flock. Pray for them on rainy days and sunny days, during good times and in bad times for they experience these things, too. These men are here for us, and we need to be there for them.

Jesus knew His Bride needed a Bridegroom to keep and protect the faith. He also knew that it was totally under human control, so He gave the Bride the Holy Spirit to guide Her along the way in salvation history. The Holy Spirit will not let her fall and we must hold on tight to her as she nurtures us throughout our lives. Be open to Her and her bridegroom the priest, he is human, but he will be there for you and I at our hour of need, just as Christ is there at our hour of need.

My heartfelt appreciation goes out to all men who said "yes" to the call to priesthood and to those who said "yes" to the call of religious vocations. We need you and I need you.

The pope backs up the search for "Spiritual Mothers" to pray for priest, bishops, cardinals and the pope.

Happy Belated birthday, Papa Benedict!!

Sick and tired of Maher! Fire Him! Get his poison off the airwaves!!

Bill Maher needs to be fired, he has gone too far for way too long and I am tired of this nonsense! This is not entertainment, this is plain profanity and blasphemy!

If you are a Catholic stand up to this creep. If you are a Christian, stand up for your fellow Christians, he doesn't like you either!

You can sign the petition at American Life League.

Hat Tip: Esther from Hawaii

A Saint Report: St. Ludgar....... by Rebecca

ST. LUDGAR was born in Northern Europe in the eighteenth century. He studied hard for years to become a priest. When he finally he became a priest he wanted to share what he knew with everyone that he met. He started to travel far and wide preaching and sharing the good news of God. He converted many pagans to the Catholic faith. Then some barbarians called Saxons; they drove out all the priests from north Europe. It seemed like all his work would be lost, but he didn’t give up on his vocation or God. He decided to go to Rome and ask the Holy father what he was supposed to do. For more than three year he lived in the Benedictine Monastery as a holy Monk. He was never forgot about his home. At the first chance he got he went home to his country. He labored hard and converted many of the Saxons to the faith. When he was made a bishop he worked even harder to spread the faith. Ludgar gave an even better example by his great kindness and piety. Once some men spoke him against him to the King Charlemagne. The king ordered him to come to court and defend himself. Ludgar went obediently to the castle. The next morning when the king called for him he said that he would come when he was done with his prayers. King Charlemagne was angry at first. Then St. Ludgar said that even though he had great respect for the king that God always came first. At such a wise answer, the king realized that Ludgar was a very holy man. From then on the admired and loved Ludgar very much. St. Ludgar died on Passion Sunday in 809.

This report is a requirement for Rebecca's religious studies.

Carnival #168

It's carnival time again at the Pillars!! Yeehaaww! But, there is another special event to celebrate this week, too, with our Holy Father coming to the United States of America! So, I thought that a few pics of our "German Shepherd" would be in order. How exciting for us! Well, what am I waiting for? Heeeere comes the Carnival!

The first submission I have received is from Joseph at Ho Kai Paoulus called, "Most dangerous Words" and boy is he hitting a soft spot!! "At least once a week - for many of us, every day - we speak very dangerous words. Do we really take time to think about what we're asking for when we pray? About what Jesus prompted us to ask of God," says Joseph. Forgiveness as our heavenly father forgives us? Can that be true? I really love Joseph's discussion on this because I am aware of this fact every time I pray the Our Father and feel rather defeated at times. Thanks, Joseph for easing the pang of guilt!


MaryAnn, A proud mother presents a video produced by her son
for the Diocese of San Diego, greeting the Pope on his visit to the United
States. See the pictures from her blog, Heart of Home. Thanks, Mary Ann!

Hope, from Mothers of Many Saints, has a great post, called, "The Wicked Witch is Dead" that I just enjoyed! There is so much of me in that post!! Does Hope know me?? In a way, probably, yes. Thanks for the wonderful lesson of uplifting advice, Hope!

Elena LaVictoire presents How to have a Domestic Church posted at My Domestic Church.

Sarah, the snoring scholar, has a wonderful book in her post, Not Just For Mommy Readers about Heidi Sexton's book, "Raising Up Mommy: Virtues for difficult Mothering moments." I have already ordered it and hope Heidi knows which Ebeth I am to autograph it.......? Sarah devoured the book and so will you!

Denise Hunnell presents Peter Kreeft: The GK Chesterton of Our Times posted at Catholic Matriarch in my Domestic Church aka Catholic Mom. What a combination, both Chesterton and Kreeft are very powerful minds. Thanks for the recommendations, Dr. Hunnell!

Next, Kate Wicker presents Working Wednesday: Yoga for Catholics posted at Kate Wicker. My children are growing up so fast, I am panicking that I didn't spend enough time with them and do enough Kid things. Sounds like Kate has a good handle on that, Thanks for the share, Kate!

The Catholic Writer's conference is coming!! I can't wait. Here Heidi wants to get the word out about it in her post,"Can your query pass seven second test" from her one of many blogs, Silent Canticle. The registration deadline for the first Catholic Writer's Conference Online is April 25! This weeklong conference (May 2-9) is free to writers of all ages and at all levels, to participate as much or as little as you like. In this post, Heidi announces the topic of her presentation, which will be held the first morning of the conference. Be sure to sign up!

Speaking of Catholic Writers, Heidi , this time from her blog Mommy Monsters, has quite a flair, so without further ado, in her post,"As if Children weren't embarrassing enough at Mass..." she shares a memory and a book about the first week she received three foster children the same week she took her turn behind the piano at Mass. A reflection on how we offer our gifts to God in different ways at various stages of life.

Next, David shares from his blog, "The Apostolate of the Laity,a very important discussion about war and abortion in his post,"The Incongruity of Freedom." Here is an excerpt:

As America propels itself down the path of choosing a new President, perhaps the prayer should be that its next leader will take a step back from the dark abyss of bad choices freely chosen by leaders past and instead take a step forward towards the true freedom that is the Gospel of Our Lord Jesus Christ.

Lately, Heidi's prayer is what I need most of all! In Heidi's other blog she shares this post, "Mary Prayer: When you need sleep." Thanks, Heidi....you have yet another book I need to purchase!!

Michele, from Philly Catholic Spirituality, shares a great post, "Who wants to do the dishes?" that can apply to all walks of life in mundane jobs. This is a short reflection on the end of the Gospel of John - how can we follow Christ in tending to the everyday needs of the people in our lives: finding God in the dishes and the laundry.

God our Father,
work is your gift to us,
a call to reach new heights
by using our talents for the good of all.
Guide us as we work and teach us to live
in the spirit that has made us your sons and daughters,
in the love that has made us brothers and sisters.
Grant this through Christ our Lord. Amen.

Seth, from Catholic Land, shares a post where he responds to comments about his support of NFP called,"contra-Contraception." Thanks, Seth. I especially liked his statement:

In other words, the man is using the woman's body for his own ends and the woman is denying the end for which her body was made. In neither case do you have mutuality, self-respect, or love without conditions. It's bonding and intimate, but it's artificially sterile and fruitless. It seeks nothing but the satisfaction of one's libido.

Next, Kevin, from Exceptional Marriages, discusses, "The Voice and Call of Shepherd" about the readings for the 4th Sunday of Easter. Great post...as always, Kevin!

Steven, has an interesting post on the The Mad Celtic Warrior Poet Priest. You need to check out his blog anyway at, Bookreviews and more. In this post, Steven shares his ontological self understanding, written for a church history course back in 2003.

Kimberly has a nice blog and a great post to share called, "Anthropology and the Eucharist." She says, "She has been making some pretty neat connections between what she's learning in one of her Anthropology classes (Social Organization) and Catholicism. A lot of it has been stuff that the Church has already taught, but it's exciting to make those connections on a personal level." Cool!! I'm loving this new connection and way of thinking! Thanks, Kimberly!!

Elena LaVictoire presents Ready links for Whore of Babylon posted at Visits to Candyland. Last week, anti-Catholic blogger Candy at www.keepingthehome.com wrote an article comparing the Catholic Church to the Whore of Babylon mentioned in the book of Revelation. The bloggers at Visits to Candyland and elsewhere refuted much of what Candy wrote. This is the list of our articles.

Kelly presents Papal Ponderings posted at Visits to Candyland.

cathy adamkiewicz presents in full bloom posted at from the field of blue children. Wow, Cathy, I really liked that post! I need to get back and read some of your other stuff, too! Thanks for the share!

Marcel, from the Mary's Aggies , down in Aggieland, TX is going to make sure you have all the information you need about the Papal trip to the USA! Check it out! Thanks Marcel!

Jean, from Catholic Fire, is also celebrating the Papal USA Trip with her post, "Welcome To The USA, Holy Father!" In this post, Jean hopes to provide all that you need to get the most out of the Holy Father's visit to the U.S.A. to enable it to be a memorable and spiritually enriching experience for you and for all Americans. She has cleverly included: prayer, resources, the Holy Father's Itinerary, and a number of links to various other resources pertaining to the Holy Father's visit. Here I am in North Carolina, so close, but yet soooooo far away!

May the Lord bless and keep you safe on your trip, Papa!
(waving wildly)

GK Chesterton - a fave of the Pillars

This is for Nick at PhatCatholic who at this moment is unindated with graduate school and needs to concentrate on his studies and all the writing.


Chesterton Day by Day

APRIL 11th

HIS soul will never starve for exploits or excitements who is wise enough to be made a fool of. He will make himself happy in the traps that have been laid for him; he will roll in their nets and sleep. All doors will fly open to him who has a mildness more defiant than mere courage. The whole is unerringly expressed in one fortunate phrase -- he will be always 'taken in.' To be taken in everywhere is to see the inside of everything. It is the hospitality of circumstance. With torches and trumpets, like a guest, the greenhorn is taken in by Life. And the sceptic is cast out by it.

'Charles Dickens.'

St. Hugh of Grenoble......A Saint report by Sarah

Hugh was born in 1052 in France. He grew up to be handsome, tall, gentle, and courteous. Though he wanted to serve god as a monk, god had other positions for him. He became a priest and then a bishop. As bishop he corrected many unjust people in his diocese. To draw god’s mercy on his people, he prayed all the time. Soon his people were virtuous. Hugh still wanted to be a monk. So he resigned his role as the bishop of Grenoble, and entered a monastery. Finally he was at peace with himself. But it was not gods will for Hugh to be a monk. The pope ordered him back to Grenoble. Hugh obeyed. He knew it was more important to please god than himself. For forty years Hugh was very sick. He had severe headaches and stomach problems. But he loved his people so he kept on working for them. Bishop Hugh died on April 1, 1132 two months before his 80^th birthday. He was a very holy bishop for 52 years then in 1134, two years after he died, he was made a saint.

The Authentic Catholic Woman, a book discussion

This is week 2 of our discussions and boy I am thoroughly enjoying our discussions and even though we all haven't been able to get the book, everyone has been able to contribute. One thing that is SO important to get in this book is this:

WE WOMEN, MARRIED/SINGLE/CLOISTERED, HAVE A REQUIRED ROLE TO CHANGE OUR CULTURE OF DEATH TO THE CULTURE OF LIFE AND LOVE!!!!!

The washing, the cooking, the hugging, and the taxi driving is all essential and considered redemptive work.

Did you know that bathing, cleaning, dusting, and vacuuming is our motherly way of baptizing our homes and family? Cleaning and making anew? Rejuvenating?

That preparing meals is Eucharistic?

That hugging our children and smiling at them, giving them encouragement and making sure they know you are there and love them is confirmation?

That we minister to our families as one can only do with love and motherly instincts? Fathers and men can help, but it is the woman's femininity that seems to be most comforting.

Take Veronica for instance, she fought the crowds, the soldiers, and other onlookers to minister to Jesus during his passion. What courage?!! What love!!! What a ministry! To love and give love at the utmost of times in a person's life. That is a women's vocation

More next week!

A Word about friendship

Jean, from Catholic Fire, just sent this to the Pillars. Thanks, I'm smiling right now!

To pass this smile around, I would like to send this to:

Jackie, Catholic Mom of 10
Jeff, my old, new Catholic friend
Micky, my inspirational blog friend
Steven, the book reviewer guy

Which famous Author/poet am I?

Which famous author/poet are you? created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as James Joyce You are most like Dubliner James Joyce, whose novel, Ulysses, is considered the best in the English language. It's also considered one of the hardest books to read. Joyce's novels were heavily influenced by his experience with education, religion and society. His delving into the human consciousness with stream of consciousness writing revolutionized the novel as a genre. His works were pure Ireland, his descriptions of his hometown are famous. James Joyce 67% William Shakespeare 67% Ernest Hemingway 50% Walt Whitman 46% Edgar Allen Poe 0%